Die Another Day

That is not only the name of a James Bond movie and Madonna song for that same movie, but it was also what I said to myself yesterday during lunch. Here's what went down...

The whole familia & I went to one of the few Mexican restaurants in town I will actually eat at. As per unwritten Mexican restaurant law, they brought us out chips & salsa. They were immediately salted down and my third chip one needed a damn GPS because it got stuck in my throat.

Now this was not the typical choking where a small cough would dislodge the food & life would be back to normal. You know, the kind where you could remain motionless and slowly inhale to get a good cough out? No. This was the super scary kind. I could not breathe at all. I thought I should try and drink something to try and clear the chip, but there was a problem...

I had just been served my tea in a to go cup and I had not yet sweetened it. I HATE unsweet tea, it's fucking gross. So I avert my gaze toward the bottle/sippy cup that Elijah has full of some sort of juice. I start to move my hand to grab bit but then realize that with my not being able to breathe at all, I might not be able to suck at the cup hard enough and thus not be able to get any juice now. That would be great huh? I'm laying dead on the goddam floor with a sippy cup in my hand. Yeah, that would look pretty silly and would not make for a good eulogy.

At the last moment I think to myself, "FUCK! Here I am with my whole family, and some friends I've known since high school are a few tables over. I can't die like this here. I mean, if this were Hooters it would be different..." and I grab my nasty tea and take a big swig. To this day I am not sure if that disgusting taste was worth it, but it got the chip clear.

Lesson learned: Order a coke if no sweet tea is available because you don't know if you're going to choke and you certainly don't want to drink shitty tea.